life~matters of the heart

His Grace in My Dark

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Last night I laid in the bed, on my back, staring through the dark. My mind began thanking God for being so good to me, and ruminating over all that is occurring with the hurricanes affecting many lives.

The catastrophes bringing so much darkness has left me reminded of my own darkness. It has touched me in places as a mom that has me afraid, concerned, and hurting for the broken world we live in. My heart began to cry out to God as I repented of any sin in my heart. I know that He is coming for us. I know He loves us, and will do anything to draw our hearts to Him, because He desires us to be ready.

That is love. He doesn’t want us to miss the place He has prepared for us since the beginning. Last night was the first moment in my entire 26 years while serving the Lord, as a professing believer, that I actually received a full revelation of what GRACE is. I’m embracing that grace. I’m embracing the humility that I get to serve- and love such a gracious GOD that I can call my friend, and merciful father.

I laid there as tears streamed down my face. I could hear God so clear-reminding me gently, that I, without His GRACE could be a whore, a liar, a lesbian, a murderer, thief, or a drug addict, etc. Tears began to stream, but they were tears of GREAT JOY, and THANKFULNESS that He allowed me this moment in the dark -on my back -for the first time in my life to realize that I was a sinner without His GRACE- To truly feel that feeling of hopelessness without His grace.

He spoke to me and said,” If I removed my Spirit of GRACE from you right now, you would be all of these things, but because of my GRACE, I have sustained your life, and that is why you haven’t been overtaken by these sins.”  I can honestly say I have never experienced this revelation of GRACE in my  life.
I grew up thinking I was just a good girl, or a good person. I knew God saved me, and I was thankful that He did, but the more I think about it, maybe I was just thankful that I was pleasing others around me because I chose what was right. Choosing to do good or what made others happy brought me approval. It caused others to say how good I was.

It wasn’t that I truly encountered or understood what God did for me by extending His grace (mercy I don’t deserve) that He not only forgave me, but His GRACE has sustained me.

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I wept, and continued to weep. I just couldn’t believe what I was feeling- lying there in my bed, in the darkness, surrounded by His grace. I felt so overwhelmed with JOY, and true THANKFULNESS that I was a redeemed wretch; so deeply in NEED of Him. I sensed it, and fully realized how destitute I was, yet saved, by His AMAZING GRACE. I was a ragamuffin for the first time- only this time I was FULLY aware of what I could be.What I use to be.

Has God ever allowed you for just a moment to see what you could be without His grace? Have you ever found yourself swelled with thankfulness that he saved your life, and turned your whole trajectory around?

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